i drop a piece of weed and it fell in a spider web and the spider was like “my nigga” and we fist pounded
Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE FUCKING STREETLIGHT WENT OUT
I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON
HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK OF ANYONE EVER AND THEN SHOUTED “LATER MUGGLES” AND FUCKING RAN OFF
AM I DREAMING
“my real name is…. matt smith.”
the doctor takes off his jacket and bowtie to reveal his real self. he has been a human actor all along. the fourth wall is broken. the fandom is in chaos.
How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:
- *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
- Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
- Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
- Man: I never filled out an application.
- Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
- Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
- Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
- Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
- Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
- Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
- Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
- Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
- Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
- Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
- Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
- Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
- Man: Fuck you, slut.
“…and that’s my presentation.”
people who have the same name as me are competition
i went to a high school where they played jeopardy music when you had about 30 seconds to get to class and i shit you not best part of the day was seeing kids sprinting to class with this music playing