Tuesday, May 21, 2013

africans:

i drop a piece of weed and it fell in a spider web and the spider was like “my nigga” and we fist pounded

(Source: cowboybeboop)

Monday, May 20, 2013

(Source: madammonkey)

Sunday, May 19, 2013

lookslikeazipper:

Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE FUCKING STREETLIGHT WENT OUT

I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON

HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK OF ANYONE EVER AND THEN SHOUTED “LATER MUGGLES” AND FUCKING RAN OFF

AM I DREAMING

Friday, May 17, 2013

crankkky:

crankkky:

IGNORE ME ONE MORE TIME AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS 

[starts crying]

megsokay:

THE LAST ONE, RIGHT?

(Source: victorianhooker)

okayamelia:

“my real name is…. matt smith.”

the doctor takes off his jacket and bowtie to reveal his real self. he has been a human actor all along. the fourth wall is broken. the fandom is in chaos.

How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:

  • *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
  • Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
  • Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
  • Man: I never filled out an application.
  • Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
  • Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
  • Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
  • Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
  • Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
  • Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
  • Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
  • Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
  • Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
  • Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
  • Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
  • Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
  • Employee:
  • Man:
  • Employee:
  • Man: Fuck you, slut.
edwardspoonhands:

Happy Birthday to My Favorite Person.

edwardspoonhands:

Happy Birthday to My Favorite Person.

(Source: vreemd-meisje)

tupacabra:

“…and that’s my presentation.”

image

earthnation:

people who have the same name as me are competition 

(Source: tacostuff)

(Source: parksandstarks)

asphyxion:

i went to a high school where they played jeopardy music when you had about 30 seconds to get to class and i shit you not best part of the day was seeing kids sprinting to class with this music playing

BROWNIE RECIPE: Ingredients- Soft butter, for greasing the pan, Flour, for dusting the buttered pan, 4 large eggs, 1 cup sifted sugar, 1 cup sifted brown sugar, 8 ounces melted butter, 11/4 cups sifted cocoa, 2 teaspoons vanilla extract, 1/2 cup sifted flour, 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt. Directions- Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F. Butter and flour an 8-inch square pan. In a mixer fitted with a whisk attachment, beat the eggs at medium speed until fluffy and light yellow. Add both sugars. Add remaining ingredients, and mix to combine. Pour the batter into a greased and floured 8-inch square pan and bake for 45 minutes. Check for doneness with the tried-and-true toothpick method: a toothpick inserted into the center of the pan should come out clean. When it's done, remove to a rack to cool. Resist the temptation to cut into it until it's mostly cool. SERVINGS: 16. PER BROWNIE; Calories: 243; Total Fat: 13 grams; Saturated Fat: 8 grams; Protein: 3 grams; Total carbohydrates: 28 grams; Sugar: 22 grams Fiber: 1 grams; Cholesterol: 83 milligrams; Sodium: 82 milligrams